Amazon - Pain brings healing, Healing brings Wisdom

8^th August – First of 3 ceremonies – The Trilogy

I wake in my beautiful, quiet Tambo, breath in the rainforest air and tingle with delight and anticipation for the beginning of the first of three ceremonies held over the next three nights, known as The Trilogy. I spend the day following the routine of receiving healing body work and natural medicines at 7am followed by a breakfast of fresh tropical fruit, plain rice porridge, egg and a sprinkling of Maca powder. While sharing some heart-felt discussion with my new friends I see that some of them have become deep in thought, others despondent, vague – I can see that they are deep in the midst of their own healing, realisations and acceptance.

I wander off under the caring canopy of the rainforest and look in detail at all around me. I write my intentions for the coming ceremonies in my journal and think about my intentions for tonight over the entire day. As we are bathed once again in enchanted flower water by the Maestras by the river side and my skin dries in the sun with a slight floral essence permeating my senses and smiling faces all around, I am in wonder of this moment, in the Amazon with the most beautiful chance of healing my life.



The intentions I set for this evening ceremony are to release any residual (subconscious) childhood pain and release all related beliefs that have resulted in shaping my adult behaviour patterns. Again, the visions and realisations I receive go so much further than I could possibly comprehend.

I seem to have found a comfortable connection with Ayahuasca. I am seeing less intense patterns and colours, and more real-life events, my past and visions of myself in other ways. Ayahuasca provides us all with a direct route to all the dimensions. I weave and swirl, understanding greater truths of the earth and myself in harmony with all and connected to everything. I can ask mother Ayahuasca any question and an insight will be revealed. Such rich, valuable divination graces me with the deepest gratitude I have ever experienced. As some of the beautiful healers complete their Ikaros song in the moment of ceremony, I weep in appreciation of the eternal wisdom they have helped connect me to. I am sung sweetly to by a Maestra, the closing song of tonight's ceremony.

 

The following morning I come out of the ceremony fully recharged. I’m back! And I really mean it. I feel creative, unique and sassy. I saw so many visions of my partner and myself and how to have abundance in life. The wisdom that Ayahuasca shared included this advice: See truth. Shed light. Speak truth. Stop trying. Beliefs and judgements are based on perception, let go of all beliefs and judgements for this is where the pain arises. I forgive those I love for not being what I believed they should be and I forgive myself for holding these beliefs. I understand now the meaning of what a friend named Izzi once said to me “See the truth and it shall set you free”.

 

Often when trauma is a part of our lives, we experience this through the perception of, well in my case, a needy child. We can perceive that things should have been done differently and that we are affected by what the experience has ‘done to us’. When in fact, the reality of the event, seen through non-judgemental eyes can demonstrate that we are one factor in a larger symphony of life. I saw how my mother and father perceive the divorce experience and what their own troubles are. I learnt we can lift the effects of trauma and that the residual effects need not be as long-lasting as we perceive it to be. Acceptance, grief, mourning and release will bring freedom.

I saw that compassion will transcend pain. Pain brings healing. From healing comes wisdom.

I was also shown that there are other subconscious factors influencing my beliefs. I see that although I do not follow commercial advertising and consumerist culture, subconsciously, some of my beliefs and judgements are influenced by it. The consumerist industry uses celebrities to influence the masses, and this action makes them sick. The over-exposure of their sexuality and disregard of their soul makes them turn to drugs and then ‘rehab’. ‘Rehab’ is also controlled by the consumerist industry, perpetuating a treadmill that they cannot escape . They are tortured souls.

In regard to a common symptom of anxiety (stress and worry about potential future events), I am shown that the benefits of an action we are deliberating over often far out-way the potential harm.

It is important to be flexible. Tell the truth to people you love and do not speak from a point of judgement. Honesty will work everything out in all relationships.

Through visions and crystal clear realisations, I see that when a loved one is lost, many grieve from losing the qualities of the person in their life. Some people provide healing and compassion, such as grandmothers and mothers. Those qualities will remain with you or be present through another person. All will be supplied. All is provided.

I also see something else. There is a connected, eternal wisdom that holds all of the great ideas, knowledge, technologies, inventions, emotional qualities and divine inspiration. It is like an interconnected core that people can tap into.

 

What we need is already inside of us, all knowledge of the eternal wisdom is accessible from within everyone. Our body and brain is designed for spiritual connection.

 

This is the place to go to be provided with strength, parental love, direction and empowerment, with all you need. I saw visions of places to live, how to form a future, and how to support my loved ones to be free and happy.

Last night I connected with the eternal wisdom thanks to Ayahuasca. I am fascinated by this and hope I connect with it again in my life.

Amazon - The body speaks and I listen

7^th August 2013

Those of us that have physical injuries receive hands-on healing in addition to natural medicines. Several of us lay out on mattresses on the deck of the healer's hut with various ailments and body parts being rubbed and healed. I am waiting in line as I wish to heal my sacrum and back; damaged from a serious car accident 10 months ago. This morning I received a profound healing. Sesa is the name of the Maestro assigned to provide me with daily healing body work at 7am each morning. He has a kind, gentle, grandfather energy. He gives me a massage using a herb paste with an aroma of turmeric. His mapacho hands worked deeply into my left shoulder/scapula region to give my left side more mobility. Then I was asked to roll over. I had forgotten to wear a bra so my breasts were exposed. This made me surrender and be at peace with my nudity. I think about how natural it is to be nude and yet it is so foreign to many of us and how wonderful I felt to become more comfortable with my own nudity.

He massaged my tummy. There was a bubble or lump in there. I felt it pop as he pushed on it, with no pain I heard it move as if up through my body and out of my mouth. Tears of release came out of my eyes. I wept. In Shipibo, he explained to me that this healing, although in my belly, is healing for my back, for my sacrum. I understood this, although, I did not know the language he spoke. I felt like I was releasing sadness related to the experience of my Dad-leaving as a child, the lack of his presence and love and the loss felt from missing him terribly and the resulting anxiety and irritable bowel syndrome that developed from the perceived stress. I see now my injuries and illnesses are linked to the trauma of the events and of a life lesson that I had not yet learnt. It is all connected. The car accident injuries, the IBS/anxiety, it is all in my second chakra region, all in the same location. I see now that these illnesses were becoming worse the longer I maintained damaging relationships with key male authority figures that reflected the un-released relationship issues with my father. And now it has been released. My strength and ability it returning. That morning, I write a letter to my father letting him know that I release him from my belief that he is not the father I needed, and in doing so, I release myself.

I have learnt that the body is an indicator of emotional and spiritual mis-match. The body truly is a barometer of the soul. One must listen to what the body is saying, then react and change so as to relieve the dis-ease. Our dis-eases are connected to our beliefs. Throughout my childhood, I was constantly ill with Tonsillitis. In her book, You can Heal your Life by Louise Hay, she states that Tonsillitis represents ‘a strong belief that you cannot speak up for yourself and ask for your needs’.  I see that my recent car accident represented my inability to listen and re-act to the signs my body was giving (IBS/anxiety) to speak up for myself within a relationship that was a repeat along the similar strains as that with my father. It was a major wake-up event that propelled me out of the path I was on at the detriment of my health and was a major part of what propelled me to make this healing journey. For that, I am thankful.

Scenes from my childhood pre-separation.  

  
This night we have break from ceremony to rest and prepare for The Trilogy – 3 ceremonies in a row.

Amazon - The second Ayahuasca Ceremony

5^th August – my birthday
This morning I walk to the hut of the healers for a healing consultation. I sit on the deck with the Maestros and Maestras and the temple manager Sascha and medicine interpretation assistant Didier. I share my pain, my fears, my desires and intentions. I bare my soul. First my English is translated to Spanish by Sascha then from Spanish into Shipibo by one of the Maestros. Ancient healers listen to my woes and prescribe plant medicine and treatments for healing on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. To heal anxiety, I have been prescribed a herbal tea to bring me out of my head and into my heart. I will receive massage for my bones and body injuries. Again I am blessed. Every morning at 7am then again at 7pm, myself and my fellow passengers line up at the healers hut, waiting our turn for healing, including herbal elixirs prepared from the surrounding rainforest, eye and wound washing and dressing, and healing body work massage administered by traditional Shipibo healers. I feel like I am living in a by-gone era, I give thanks for the honour of participating in this ancient act.  


Waiting outside the healer's hut



Didier receives the elixers from Maestra Rosa to share with us



The beautiful healing art of the Shipibo

Night approaches and again we take to the Maloka for the second of seven ceremonies. Tonight I have brought with me some deep stories from my past. I believe I have a fear of abandonment resulting from separation from my father at an early age. My parent’s divorce caused separation anxiety, approval-seeking, fear-of-failure behaviour and ongoing emotional issues with my father. Following this, my childhood was forged in an oppressive religious-based home life causing me to flee from my mother’s home in my teenage years and dive into a period of rebellion. I have learnt that if you have not healed or learnt a life lesson, it will be repeated. I have surmised that damaging relationships I have experienced with key male authority figures in my adult life may be a reflection of issues I am yet to heal in my relationship with my own father. So tonight, I bring these intentions:

let go of fear of abandonment toward myself or my future children
heal the trauma of my childhood
remove any in-ground patterns of thinking or behaviour that has come from that

My previous experience talking with a psychologist proved that therapy can assist one to discover and name underlying issues – but truly healing them? Well that’s what I have come here to do.

The same ceremony takes place. I lie on my mattress in patience. The medicine comes on very strong, I felt as if it was too strong, and it was pulling on some very deep pain. One of the grandmother healers sung a purge out of me. I tried to resist it and found that allowing the pain to come out took courage. It was vile plant medicine releasing some deep hurt from deep inside me. Then I felt calm. The hallucinations reduced and clear visions began. I was a child again at home in the backyard playing with my brother; it was a repeat of reality however, now, I looked on through non-judgemental eyes, non subjective eyes. I saw events for what they were without the pain of being a child in need. As this occurs, I feel no fear and only feel in a state of observation, gratitude and love as if a kind, earthly grandmother is gently holding my hand as I explore the trigger points of my deepest fears.

Maestras Rosa, (a Maestra assisting the others for this course), Amelia & Marina

The Maestra seals her song by dousing me in flower water. It isn’t long until one of the Maestros is in front of me and with great strength sings to me of life, of earth, of Tanah. I feel so empowered and break into tears in gratitude.

My right arm pulsates by itself. I feel that the right side of the body represents letting go, masculine energy, men, the father. I have had a fear of my own masculine energy related to my father leaving issues. But now, I balance my masculine energy easily and effortlessly. I see my father for the man that he is, carrying his own history and ills. I see that my Dad is present in my life now because this is when I need him. I see that I no longer am a victim of my parent’s divorce as it did not ‘happen to me’ but rather ‘happened for me’, I feel empowered by this. I am willing to forgive my father for not being the father I wanted him to be. I set him free. And in doing so, I am free.

I see that there were other guides and people supporting me, helping to provide what my father and mother did not when I was young and I give thanks for this.

I learn that there is a personal way for all of us to heal and for me it is through dancing.

I see that all spirituality and traditional mystics come from the same original spirit, none are more enlightened than the other. There is great worth in exploring all spirituality.
Irake – thank you in Shipibo. Thank you for the healing.

Maestros Elias, Sesa & Weila

Amazon - Down the rabbit hole

4^th August 2012
We are encouraged to set an intention for each ceremony, something we want to learn about ourselves, pain we wish to release and heal, or anything we wish to receive an insight into. I have come on this healing journey with many intentions (and in need of much healing!).

I believe that we get the most out of healing journeys if some preliminary self-examination has been done to help reveal the true cause of any pain, suffering or confusion. Some of my friends already know that I suffer with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and anxiety. I have come to see that the experience of anxiety appears to be most strongly linked to stress within certain relationships. Unfortunately anxiety can make relationships and situations appear worse than they are and cloud the mind so that decisiveness and action can be elusive. At this point, I can see that I have some pain and confusion within my relationship with my partner and although I wish to take our relationship to a deeper level I find there is something blocking this, some fear. I wish for physical healing of the injury and pain in my back, following a serious car accident ten months ago that injured my sacrum, pelvis and back. I wish to be free of IBS and anxiety. And of course, I want to know what to do next in order to continue to serve the Earth, my fellow man and myself.

Not much to ask is it? The thing is; I have been asking myself these questions for years and attempted to sort things out, get on with life and be happy. It kind of worked, however, I no longer wish to just ‘get on with life’, I now wish to go deeply into my past, myself and learn the lessons that life bestows upon us and grow.  So now I turn to this ancient healing tradition in the Amazon and the wisdom of Ayahuasca. We are informed that the plant Ayahuasca and indeed all plants have a plant spirit and that during the ceremony the spirit of Ayahuasca will communicate with us, connect with us and show us what we need to see. Many see the spirit of Ayahuasca as the Earth Mother, the Divine Feminine, the Great Grandmother.

I believed before it began. But, I didn't need to. The first night literally blew my mind. All preconceived realities and boundaries of conceptual thought were erased and expanded. Here is my experience from the first of seven ceremonies:

The Maloka at night

7pm
We enter the Maloka as darkness approaches the surrounding rainforest. The 20 of us find our comfortably cushioned place by sighting colourfully assigned name tags. There lays a mattress for comfort along with a small bucket for catching any vomit (the healing ceremony brings forth releasing of pain by purging it from the body by way of tears, wind and vomit for some) and ashtray as in this ceremony, traditionally grown tobacco can be used in partnership with Ayahuasca. I have dressed in comfortable clothes (stripy thermals) and bring my pillow and blanket along with my journal. My new friend to my left, Maria, sees my stripy outfit and says in a hushed voice “What are you....Dr. Seuss?” she is hilarious.

I relax and recite my intentions and think of the issues and intentions while others begin to enter the room and join the circle. We rest for an hour.

Inside the Maloka, the ceremony circle is comfortable and intriguing

8pm
At around 8pm the Shipibo healers enter the Maloka and greet us "Buenos noches". Four elderly female healers (Maestras) and three male healers (Maestros) in detailed traditional dress slowly walk toward and sit in the centre of the circle. My mattress is positioned directly by the door so I see the healers walk in right by me – I am in awe of the spectacle of this traditional ritual. A large bottle of brown liquid is produced. One of the Maestros begins to hum and whistle a tune into the bottle, as if blessing it or perhaps awakening it. As we are a large group of 20 we are divided into 3 groups. Group 1 is asked to come forward – that includes me! We walk up and sit in front of the eldest of the Maestras, a beautiful aged woman that looks like a healing elder from all those books and movies you have seen. With the help of the temple manager she pours a small shot of the Ayahuasca brew for each of us. We take it with respect, think of our intentions, look at each other then shot it. The acidic and astringent taste makes my mouth wince and gut turn; I reason that big healing calls for big medicine. We return to our mattresses.  The oil lamps that were dimly lighting the space are blow out. Darkness surrounds. The sounds of frogs and other forest noises surround us and seem to come closer and closer. An hour passes.

9pm (perhaps)
I wonder if the medicine is working. Are other people feeling something? Then in unison the four Maestras begin to sweetly sing the most beautiful song I have ever heard. My mind sways with the tune and I feel my brain begin to pull up slightly. Then to my right I hear the most violent vomiting I have ever heard. One fellow passenger is purging and purging hard. I turn my attention back on myself, with closed eyes I look into my own darkness. Flashes of light appear in far-away places, twin red reptilian eyes appear to be seeking me out, looking at me, noticing me. Then from under closed eyelids I see black and white patterns at first, swirling in geometric, kaleidoscope formations blossoming into colourful, fantasy shapes and living things, like an ever changing evolving multi-dimensional painting of everything. All the healers are singing now, their chanting, melodic, beautiful songs filling the air and pulsating into my being. The images continue to change and evolve revealing glimpses of other lands, beautiful states of being and exquisite architecture. There are animals and people and many living flowers and plants all interchanging. I breathe deeply and feel my body come alive as it has never done before. My limbs and organs are all pulsating individually; I seem to understand and sense my entire body. The healing entity appeared to me this night like a vortex of snakes coiling around one another and tunnelling down into a hole to another dimension. It would move around and sometimes bring my head or body with it, swaying like a snake. I have no fear and feel inquisitive and in a state of bliss. In fact, I didn't understand what 'bliss' felt like until now.

I am lying on my stomach with my heavy head in my hands when suddenly there is an enormous presence in front of me. A healer has sat at the head of my mattress and is preparing to sing her Ikaros to me. She breathes in with a raspy breath and I feel my energy grow forth and interconnect with hers in between where we sit. Her song causes the coiling life, the healing, to turn around back on to me and tunnel into my heart – my heart feels joy and love. Down and down and into my left shoulder and then onto both my eyes. I feel like an intelligent surgery is being made on these parts of my body, clicking the cogs of DNA and cells and putting all into place. From this I learn that my injuries are healed from the inside. I open my eyes and see the Maestra sitting upon a small mountain with the animal kingdom and all Earth’s Wisdom was with her. As she finishes the song, she breathes a flower essence onto my hands, infusing the flower essence with the essence of the healing song, so that it remains with me after she leaves. I feel an enormous energy come from my hands, and I understand that profound healing can come from our hands, and all of us can be healers.

The healing hands of fellow passenger Myron

Detail from on-site mural by the Dream Travellers collective

Flower water or agua florida - infused by the healers with the essence of the healing song

I released (purged) my pain through crying and I cried an ocean in the pain of the grief of the death of my Nan and of the pain of fearing going deeper in my relationship with my partner. Now I see that the unfinished grief has been linked to my current anxiety and stagnation. I see visions of bliss with my partner for many years to come, I see that I love my partner and that the more I love him the more there is to learn and discover about him.

 

In my visions, I experience being a mighty Tiger running on mountain top. I learn that my strength comes from my masculinity and the spirit is balancing my masculine and feminine sides, my yin and yang – I never knew how important this is! I can see that to heal physical injury we need to explore and love our pain rather than fear or hate it (it is so easy to say ‘I hate being in pain!” however now I understand to not direct any hate to my body). I learn that fear, worry, anxiety, apprehension (all from the same base of fear) can be dissolved with love.

The visionary work of artist and traditional healer Pablo Amaringo (1938-2009)

I receive visions of what to do to maintain happiness. I see that the next best thing to do for Mother Earth is to keep working for Gaia, keep working for rainforest and earth protection. I see that energy truly flows where attention goes, so be wise with your glance because it is powerful.

Each of the 7 healers sang to me, each song a journey of discovery and healing. And then the presence of Ayahuasca slowly retreated back into the rainforest. We lay and rest.

 

Smiles and laughter come easily to the lips. The healers burst into fits of giggles and we are all happy. I wonder back to my Tambo with bare feet on the sandy path lit up by the full moon. I am connected to the living forces all around like never before. I rest and wake up to record the entire journey in my journal. I feel like last night was a fantastic welcome and introduction to the power of this spirit, now, to see what I can learn at tonight's ceremony....