Amazon - Pain brings healing, Healing brings Wisdom

8^th August – First of 3 ceremonies – The Trilogy

I wake in my beautiful, quiet Tambo, breath in the rainforest air and tingle with delight and anticipation for the beginning of the first of three ceremonies held over the next three nights, known as The Trilogy. I spend the day following the routine of receiving healing body work and natural medicines at 7am followed by a breakfast of fresh tropical fruit, plain rice porridge, egg and a sprinkling of Maca powder. While sharing some heart-felt discussion with my new friends I see that some of them have become deep in thought, others despondent, vague – I can see that they are deep in the midst of their own healing, realisations and acceptance.

I wander off under the caring canopy of the rainforest and look in detail at all around me. I write my intentions for the coming ceremonies in my journal and think about my intentions for tonight over the entire day. As we are bathed once again in enchanted flower water by the Maestras by the river side and my skin dries in the sun with a slight floral essence permeating my senses and smiling faces all around, I am in wonder of this moment, in the Amazon with the most beautiful chance of healing my life.



The intentions I set for this evening ceremony are to release any residual (subconscious) childhood pain and release all related beliefs that have resulted in shaping my adult behaviour patterns. Again, the visions and realisations I receive go so much further than I could possibly comprehend.

I seem to have found a comfortable connection with Ayahuasca. I am seeing less intense patterns and colours, and more real-life events, my past and visions of myself in other ways. Ayahuasca provides us all with a direct route to all the dimensions. I weave and swirl, understanding greater truths of the earth and myself in harmony with all and connected to everything. I can ask mother Ayahuasca any question and an insight will be revealed. Such rich, valuable divination graces me with the deepest gratitude I have ever experienced. As some of the beautiful healers complete their Ikaros song in the moment of ceremony, I weep in appreciation of the eternal wisdom they have helped connect me to. I am sung sweetly to by a Maestra, the closing song of tonight's ceremony.

 

The following morning I come out of the ceremony fully recharged. I’m back! And I really mean it. I feel creative, unique and sassy. I saw so many visions of my partner and myself and how to have abundance in life. The wisdom that Ayahuasca shared included this advice: See truth. Shed light. Speak truth. Stop trying. Beliefs and judgements are based on perception, let go of all beliefs and judgements for this is where the pain arises. I forgive those I love for not being what I believed they should be and I forgive myself for holding these beliefs. I understand now the meaning of what a friend named Izzi once said to me “See the truth and it shall set you free”.

 

Often when trauma is a part of our lives, we experience this through the perception of, well in my case, a needy child. We can perceive that things should have been done differently and that we are affected by what the experience has ‘done to us’. When in fact, the reality of the event, seen through non-judgemental eyes can demonstrate that we are one factor in a larger symphony of life. I saw how my mother and father perceive the divorce experience and what their own troubles are. I learnt we can lift the effects of trauma and that the residual effects need not be as long-lasting as we perceive it to be. Acceptance, grief, mourning and release will bring freedom.

I saw that compassion will transcend pain. Pain brings healing. From healing comes wisdom.

I was also shown that there are other subconscious factors influencing my beliefs. I see that although I do not follow commercial advertising and consumerist culture, subconsciously, some of my beliefs and judgements are influenced by it. The consumerist industry uses celebrities to influence the masses, and this action makes them sick. The over-exposure of their sexuality and disregard of their soul makes them turn to drugs and then ‘rehab’. ‘Rehab’ is also controlled by the consumerist industry, perpetuating a treadmill that they cannot escape . They are tortured souls.

In regard to a common symptom of anxiety (stress and worry about potential future events), I am shown that the benefits of an action we are deliberating over often far out-way the potential harm.

It is important to be flexible. Tell the truth to people you love and do not speak from a point of judgement. Honesty will work everything out in all relationships.

Through visions and crystal clear realisations, I see that when a loved one is lost, many grieve from losing the qualities of the person in their life. Some people provide healing and compassion, such as grandmothers and mothers. Those qualities will remain with you or be present through another person. All will be supplied. All is provided.

I also see something else. There is a connected, eternal wisdom that holds all of the great ideas, knowledge, technologies, inventions, emotional qualities and divine inspiration. It is like an interconnected core that people can tap into.

 

What we need is already inside of us, all knowledge of the eternal wisdom is accessible from within everyone. Our body and brain is designed for spiritual connection.

 

This is the place to go to be provided with strength, parental love, direction and empowerment, with all you need. I saw visions of places to live, how to form a future, and how to support my loved ones to be free and happy.

Last night I connected with the eternal wisdom thanks to Ayahuasca. I am fascinated by this and hope I connect with it again in my life.

Amazon - The body speaks and I listen

7^th August 2013

Those of us that have physical injuries receive hands-on healing in addition to natural medicines. Several of us lay out on mattresses on the deck of the healer's hut with various ailments and body parts being rubbed and healed. I am waiting in line as I wish to heal my sacrum and back; damaged from a serious car accident 10 months ago. This morning I received a profound healing. Sesa is the name of the Maestro assigned to provide me with daily healing body work at 7am each morning. He has a kind, gentle, grandfather energy. He gives me a massage using a herb paste with an aroma of turmeric. His mapacho hands worked deeply into my left shoulder/scapula region to give my left side more mobility. Then I was asked to roll over. I had forgotten to wear a bra so my breasts were exposed. This made me surrender and be at peace with my nudity. I think about how natural it is to be nude and yet it is so foreign to many of us and how wonderful I felt to become more comfortable with my own nudity.

He massaged my tummy. There was a bubble or lump in there. I felt it pop as he pushed on it, with no pain I heard it move as if up through my body and out of my mouth. Tears of release came out of my eyes. I wept. In Shipibo, he explained to me that this healing, although in my belly, is healing for my back, for my sacrum. I understood this, although, I did not know the language he spoke. I felt like I was releasing sadness related to the experience of my Dad-leaving as a child, the lack of his presence and love and the loss felt from missing him terribly and the resulting anxiety and irritable bowel syndrome that developed from the perceived stress. I see now my injuries and illnesses are linked to the trauma of the events and of a life lesson that I had not yet learnt. It is all connected. The car accident injuries, the IBS/anxiety, it is all in my second chakra region, all in the same location. I see now that these illnesses were becoming worse the longer I maintained damaging relationships with key male authority figures that reflected the un-released relationship issues with my father. And now it has been released. My strength and ability it returning. That morning, I write a letter to my father letting him know that I release him from my belief that he is not the father I needed, and in doing so, I release myself.

I have learnt that the body is an indicator of emotional and spiritual mis-match. The body truly is a barometer of the soul. One must listen to what the body is saying, then react and change so as to relieve the dis-ease. Our dis-eases are connected to our beliefs. Throughout my childhood, I was constantly ill with Tonsillitis. In her book, You can Heal your Life by Louise Hay, she states that Tonsillitis represents ‘a strong belief that you cannot speak up for yourself and ask for your needs’.  I see that my recent car accident represented my inability to listen and re-act to the signs my body was giving (IBS/anxiety) to speak up for myself within a relationship that was a repeat along the similar strains as that with my father. It was a major wake-up event that propelled me out of the path I was on at the detriment of my health and was a major part of what propelled me to make this healing journey. For that, I am thankful.

Scenes from my childhood pre-separation.  

  
This night we have break from ceremony to rest and prepare for The Trilogy – 3 ceremonies in a row.